Judah's kidney surgery is tomorrow morning at 10:00.
I'm worried and I'm scared. Probably unnecessarily so, but I am, nonetheless.
I'm worried about how he'll react to anesthesia. I'm worried about worst-case scenarios. I'm worried about infection risks. I'm worried that he will feel alone and scared when we can't be with him immediately before, during and immediately after surgery. I'm worried about him being in pain afterwards.
The success rate for this surgery is very high and it's not really a huge deal like say, open heart surgery or brain surgery or anything like that. I'm thankful for that. I'm not as worried about the actual surgery as I am anesthesia. A lot of medical errors happen during surgery and immediately post-operatively. In children, most medical errors are because of miscalculated medication doses. I try not to think about this too much. Sometimes I can't decide if being a nurse helps me or hinders me in times like these.
From my personal nursing experience, I have seen both patients that have recovered really well from surgery, and also those who have not. It's good in the sense that I have first hand experience with the many safety measures that have been put into practice to prevent these things from happening. But it's also frustrating knowing that errors still do happen. I know how easy it can be to mess up a medication dose if you are distracted, or overly tired or just not paying close enough attention. I know what the consequences of those medications errors can result in. I also know that even if there were no medication errors made, some people just don't react well to general anesthesia.
I hope this is not the case for our little Judah.
I'm trying not to over think it, over analyze it, or just think too much about it in general.
I know that God already has planned for what the outcome will be, and I need to accept that. Whether it be a good or bad outcome.
I'm ready for tomorrow (and the next few days) to be over and done with.
If you can remember, say a little prayer for us tomorrow, for peace.