Friday, September 21, 2012

On Trying to Find Positives With Occasional Mandatory Insomnia.

It amazes me how much can be done on so little sleep.  When you become a parent, your children become the very center of your universe.  You will do anything to keep your kids safe, healthy and happy.  Some times this "anything" requires getting little sleep (as in 2 hours of sleep in a 48 hour period, having to work for 24 of those hours), and functioning in a zombie sort of state.  

The past few days have been pretty rough.  The boys had a 24 hour virus of some sort (Although it lasted more like 3 days).  Neither had fevers, and neither of them acted sick.  But they both had very liquid diarrhea, and Judah projectile vomited a few times.  Because of this, they were not allowed to go to daycare.  When the boys go to daycare is when I have to sleep before/after working night shift at the hospital.  These few days that they were sick, were a few days where I had to work 3 nights in a row.  the first day, Jeremy called out of work, and stayed home with him.  The next day after I got off of work, I had to stay awake with them, and then return to work again that night.  Luckily we got a last minute sitter to come over for a little while and I was able to get just a few hours of sleep.  Needless to say, coffee was the only thing that kept me going that night.  Then, the following day, I only got to sleep a few hours in the morning before Jeremy had to leave for work and I had to wake up and watch the boys again.

Being a parent is hard, and the little-to-no-sleep portion of it is just a small part that you have to figure out how to push through.  What really makes it all worth it though are the peaceful quiet moments.  As I was putting the boys down for their nap on one of my sleepless days, I realized that at that very moment, I wouldn't rather be doing anything else.  I sat in their room, dimly lit with a crack of sunshine coming through their bedroom window, rocking back and forth in the rocker.  Each of their little heads lay heavy on my chest.  I can feel their little breath blowing softly on my neck.  They talk to each other for a few minutes, and then each doze off.  Their breaths get deeper and slower as they drift off to sleep.  I can feel their chests rise and fall against my own.

 At another time, I might would say that I would rather be in my warm bed, asleep.  But at that moment, I didn't want to be anywhere else.  I didn't care about my bed, or how tired or exhausted I was, or how awful I felt.  All I cared about was freezing time in that moment, where both of my baby boys were sleeping peacefully in my arms.


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