Sunday, August 26, 2012

Baby Fever & Inadequacy.

let me start this post off by saying, that WE ARE NOT PREGNANT.

K. Now that that is out of the way, I'll continue on.

I feel like everyone that had a baby around the same time that I had the boys is now beginning to get pregnant again.  I can count 6 people off the top of my head.  I guess when you're kid turns 1 is a common time to start thinking about having more babies.  It makes sense.  At 1, your kid can most likely walk (or close to walking) it's pretty much all table foods that are the same as what you eat, only chopped up (or foods that are relatively easy and quick to prepare).  They can entertain themselves fairly well because they are able to do more.  I can see why people would think that this is an OK time to try and start having another kid.  By the time the new kiddo would be here, the 1 year old will be almost 2, and even more independent than they are now.  I understand.

All that being said, we don't have any plans to get pregnant quite yet.  I am OK with this, but it also makes me feel a little bit sad, and sometimes a little inadequate.  

Sad, because all my friends are going to have a new baby soon, and I'm not.  Yes, I remember how challenging and stressful those first few months are, but I still miss it sometimes.  I miss feeling them kick around in my belly.  I miss the teeny tiny squeals and sleep smiles.  I miss the tiny little fingers grasping onto mine.  I miss 2 tiny babies in the cosleeper next to me at night.  I miss seeing them for the very first time.  

Inadequate, because I feel like if all my friends feel ready to handle another baby, then I should too, right?  But I know it's different, because I have 2 babies, not just one.  I was talking about this to one of my friends, and she said, "Sarah, don't worry, all they will be doing with this second kid is catching up to you".   I found that funny, but true.  I sometimes forget that I had 2 babies at one time, and that's not the normal.  I'm not saying by any means that one baby is easy, but I think it is easier than having 2 at once.  I forget this concept sometimes, because 2 babies is my normal. And my normal is hard. But it doesn't change the fact that sometimes I feel like I should be able to handle another baby right now also. 

But I know we're not ready yet, and I really am ok with it.  I just sometimes have to remind myself of that when baby fever overtakes me.  I'm not looking for sympathy or even affirmation, just sharing some of my feelings as of late.

And what would a blog post be without a cute picture of my boys : )

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